Yes, but what is this place?

     Ah. Well, have a seat-- I do tend to ramble. You see, back in the summer of 1999, an acquaintance of mine asked me to contribute to the zine he self-published out of Baltimore; I suggested that I could write a movie review column, and he thought that sounded like a good idea. I got to work immediately, but the average zine is a short-lived beast, and this one folded before I’d had a chance to hand in a single thing that I’d written. It didn’t matter, though. For one thing, my tendency toward obsessive behavior had already taken hold, and for another, I found that I liked reviewing movies almost as much as watching them. There was also another minor benefit, in that I discovered that writing about the movies I watched led me to remember them better later. In short, I was hooked, and I couldn’t stop.

     It doesn’t make much sense, however, to write a bunch of stuff nobody’s ever going to read. So starting in September or October, I began making Xeroxed copies of my reviews to hand out among my like-minded friends as a sort of roughly biweekly newsletter. Then I discovered the internet. In particular, I discovered the Bad Movie Report and badmovies.org, and I instantly realized that a website was pretty much the ideal medium for what I was doing. That, in turn, meant I would have to learn how to use a computer as something more than a glorified typewriter, and it is the time consumed thereby that mostly explains why this site has been so long in the incubator. (Well, that and my own bone-deep laziness…) But now-- at last-- I am ready. Now, at last, 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting rises like the undead Trash from the mire, eager to go out and sink its fangs into defenseless live brains!

     That doesn’t really answer your question, though, does it? No, you asked what this place was. Let me start by saying what 1000 Misspent Hours and Counting is not. This isn’t strictly a B-movie site, nor is it strictly a horror movie site, although the great bulk of the movies reviewed here will be B-horror films. My instinct is to say that my business is exploitation movies, but recent years have seen the definition of that term contract to the point that it no longer gets the job done either. So instead, I’ll simply say this: For the most part, if a particular movie played or would have played at a drive-in or an old Times Square grindhouse, you can reasonably expect a review of it to show up here one of these days. If it didn’t or wouldn’t have, then you probably won’t. There will surely be exceptions, but that’s the rule of thumb around here. You'll also notice that a good many of my reviews seem to treat movies from a few years ago as if they were still in the theaters. There's a very good reason for this, I'll have you know-- those movies were in the theaters when I wrote the reviews. Remember, I had a four-year review backlog on my hands when I started doing this site. Of course, it would have been way too overwhelming (for you and me both) if I had tried to make my debut with all 500-plus reviews in place, so I spent a good nine months or so posting them a few at a time, starting with the oldest and working forward. In those days, I used to update every Sunday and Wednesday night, but now that I've caught up to myself, such a hectic schedule is no longer feasible. Instead, I'll be updating on alternate Sundays for the immediate future, although I may yet discover that I can write fast enough to support a weekly update schedule. We shall see.

     As for the obligatory rating system, mine’s a bit unwieldy, but it has served me well. Behold:

     It’s not as hard as it looks. Most of the time, I stay between one and four stars on the positive scale. There are some movies that just can’t be adequately dealt with in that manner, however-- the transcendently good, the transcendently bad, and those that derive the bulk of their entertainment value paradoxically from their striking lack of quality-- and for them, I’ve devised the rest of the system. Again, it’s ugly, but it works.

     Finally, before we begin, I’d like to issue a disclaimer of sorts. Many of the films I review here are most definitely not for kids. Neither are my reviews. If you’re easily offended by foul language or frank discussions of sex and violence, then allow me to suggest that you help keep unnecessary complications out of both of our lives by going someplace else. And if you’re under 18, and your parents are easily offended by that sort of thing, then at least have the sense to clear out your browser’s history file when you’re finished. Now, without any further ado…